Ok, here's the scoop. I had a pelvic US done today. I work in the medical field and looked up my test results.... well, it seems my right ovary has a large complex cyst on it. Of course I pulled everything up on the internet I could in the last few minutes left of work. Not good from the internet point of view.

I know I haven't talked to the doctor yet. And I know I shouldn't have looked up the results but I did.

So here is what I am asking of you.... tell me what you know first-hand. Give it to me straight. Some of you have had to deal with complex ovarian cysts in your life and I want the real scoop.

Remember these are "complex" cysts and there is a big difference. I know I shouldn't throw the towel in yet and I won't. However, I really NEED to hear some real stories from you guys.

Dreww

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! I hope all you of have a blessed and wonderful Christmas!

I am pretty much done with my Christmas shopping. I will stop by BonTon tonight and pick up a few things for my daughter with my big gift certificate I got from my previous full-time employer. It wasn't enough that they didn't include me in the holiday party this year but they decided they needed to smack me in the face also. You see, last year I got a $300 gift certificate and this year (I did work 6 months full-time and now work 3 mornings a week part-time to help them out)I guess I was lucky to get the $50 they gave me. I know for a fact that everyone did get the same as last year so it wasn't a cut back all around. I certainly didn't expect the full amount by any means since I did go down to part-time but I guess everything all combined just hurt my feelings even more. I am easily hurt and should get over that. Fuck 'em!

Ok.... good news! Monday night my Colt's defense finally showed some signs of life. GO COLTS!!

My son is failing three classes and I nearly killed him. I took his computer away and instead of it helping, he went through WOW withdrawl and gave up on life. He figured he would never get the computer back so he didn't care. This is the letter I wrote him:

Little Buddy,

I'm typing this since you have a hard time reading my writing. Also, I have a lot of things I want to say that are on my mind and sometimes typing them is easier for me.

I'm not going to have a pity party and tell you how I feel I have let you down. I'm not going to sit around feeling like a failure because I should have been a better mom to you. And I am not going to allow you to have a pity party also.

I have NEVER compared you to your sister and YOU will no longer accuse me of doing so. If you compare yourself then that is an issue you must deal with. But don't blame me or accuse me of doing so. My children are two different people. I love both of you. BG has to work extremely hard for her grades. BG is outgoing and social. LB is naturally smart and all he would need to do is put an effort into things and he would have no problem succeeding. LB is more reserved and prefers to have a small group of friends vs being the leader and social butterfly. BG likes sports. LB likes computer games. LB is tall and has brown eyes. BG is short and has blue eyes. BG wants to go to college. LB wants to join the service. UNDERSTAND!!!??? I have two different kids and don't expect either one of them to be like the other. WHAT I DO EXPECT FROM BOTH OF YOU IS TO ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST IN LIFE! I expect both of you to be good people. Then I also have hopes for both of you. I hope both of you are fair and just in your thinking. I hope both of you see the good and beauty in this world and appreciate life. I hope both of you believe that Christ is our savior and find faith in whatever way you must to do so. I also have wishes for both of you. I wish that your lives are full of love and happiness. I
wish that you never have to suffer heartache. I wish that you succeed in any venture you take in life. I wish that you both find true love. I wish that your roads in life are full of adventure, faith, joy and happiness.

Right now you are climbing a mountain in your life. You have choices when you are faced with trials like this. You can either surrender to the struggle and let it destroy you or you can fight back. I would hope that if I have taught my children anything in life it is that you must always pick yourself up and keep on going when life is hardest. I watched my own mother sit around and feel sorry for herself and I vowed I would never be that way. I watched her life remain the same as she EXPECTED her children to take care of her while she did nothing. I was disowned in part because I would not play in her game. You and your sister have both told me that you could never be as strong as I am. How dare you say such a thing? You are a part of me. You have the ability to
be as strong as you let yourself. What made me different from my
mother was the desire to NOT let life and its many mountains destroy me. That is not to say that there have been times in my life when I felt like giving up. I am human and to not say so would be a lie. But LB, my son, there is so much beauty in this world and so many people to love and be loved by that life is worth living and working for.

One of two things can happen as a result of this trial in your life. You will either look back upon it and wish that you had done things differently. You will wish that you did pay more attention in school. You will wish that you tried harder in everything you faced in life. You will wish that you did give your mom those hugs when she asked. And you will regret doing none of it. Or you will be glad that your mom got tough with you and made you crack down and straighten your ass out. You will be glad that you actually gave it all a chance rather than fighting it the whole way. You will be glad that you finally saw there was more to life than sitting on the computer playing games. And mostly, you will be glad that you loved those people in your life because you no longer have them and you have no doubt they knew what they meant to you.

I don't like making you miserable. You, however, created this mess and you will clean it up. There are several things that are going to happen from this point on and there will be no arguing about it. There will be no attitude either. Here are the rules from this point on:

1) When I tell you to go to a teacher/counselor regarding an
issue, you will do so that day. I know for a fact that you can make
arrangements to see the counselor. All you need to do is ask.

2) You will find out what you need to do to complete you CCL and start doing it. I KNOW you aren't dumb and refuse to believe that you don't understand how to do it. What I do believe is this: I believe that you took 30 seconds to look it over, got confused and gave up. Ain't a happen'n no more bud.

3) Time on the computer can be earned from this point on. And
this is how it will be earned: A) Books brought home and studied at
kitchen table for ½ hr earns you ½ hr computer time. B) Any tests
brought home with C or better earns you 1 ½ hrs on the computer. C) Any homework brought home with C or better earns you ½ hr... This can easily add up with the amount of classes you have... so consider that. I must see these grades so you need to bring them home.

4) You will not be going anywhere with anyone unless it is ASKED and I agree to it. Your attitude will determine the outcome of your requests.



5) You will be taking your medicine and I will be waking you up
every morning before I leave for work to take your meds. I don't trust you to take them so this is non-negotiable.

What you do and how much computer time you get, is entirely up to you. My mother didn't care about me and she let me run everywhere and anywhere and never knew what was going on in my life. I love you. I love you with every ounce of my being. I will not allow you and allow myself to repeat history.

Mom
Xo

On a good note, my car started today, I woke up, my children are healthy, my friends are still my friends, I have food and shelter (too much food right now ). I get to spend the holidays in my own home this year with my kids and no worry of a man putting his hands on me. So this has indeed been a blessed year for me and I am grateful! I have attended three funerals since March. One of my daughter's 17 yo friend that committed suicide, a 16 yo girl that died from cancer and my best friend's 30 yo son. Once again, I am blessed for I get to spend this holiday with ALL of my family. I have gotten to know many lovely people on this stream and I am grateful for those new friendships.

I'll talk to all of you soon.... until then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Dreww

It has been my experience over the years that my sexual appetite as a woman is a lot stronger than most of the women I know. I have only one friend that has this same sexual desire. All of the other women I know, either A. can take it or leave it but would prefer to leave it and B. wouldn't try anything new, exciting or kinky if you paid them. And oh, what they would consider new, exciting and kinky would be simply great sex and expected for me.

Now I am not a whore by any means, since it has been over one year since my last sexual encounter. But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about sex in some form or another.

The doctor I work for part-time once told me that I have more testosterone than most men. I am feminine so it is not because I look butch or anything. We talked about sex frequently the 5 years I have worked for him.

So here is the reason for the post.... Men: What has been your experience with most women? Do you find that they really don't want sex? Do they want sex until you are a "couple"? So do most of the women you are with have strong sex drives?

Women: Do you have/had strong sexual desires? If you had, what happened to change it? What is it that turns you off about having sex that you don't want to do it more frequently? Are my friend and me the only women out there that could do it more than once a day and still want more??

Dreww

p/s You'll be the first ones to know once I finally get "some"

Sitting here at work bored outta my mind.... looking out into the parking lot trying to think of something to even think about... It's bad when you have to think of something to think about.

Anyway if you could have any car, what would it be and why?

I'd love to have an old Nova I've always been attracted to older cars. I love those third gen camaros too. But I imagine myself behind a Nova with a loud rumbling motor hauling ass down the highway! Pfffewwww..... there goes Dreww......

I'd love to learn how to drag race a 1950's Ford Pickup truck! Sweet!

Some days I shouldn't be allowed to think...

Dreww

I work two jobs. I have a full-time job that I just started July 1. Before that I worked for a very small doctor's office for 5 years. I left there because they kept cutting hours and we didn't have a raise for 5 years. However, I did offer to stay and help them with their medical billing a few hours a week. So three mornings a week I go over before my "real" job and work for a little over an hour.

Every Christmas we get the doc something. I wasn't approached this year about contributing to his gift. I asked my best bud Shelly about it and she said that they had already collected and ordered his gift one month ago.

Hmmmmm..... so this morning I go in to work and I say .... "hey, I'm not sure if you forgot me or if I am supposed to get the doctor something on my own but what is going on?" I am told that they figured I would not be able to attend the Christmas party which is held during work hours (however I would have been able to if they would have asked me) and so they figured I wouldn't want to contribute. Now I have worked for these idiots for 5 years. Do I not deserve even the common courtesy of asking me if I want to contribute??? Dumbasses!

I'm pissed and not sure how I am going to handle this. Actually, I am probably more hurt than pissed. I am going to do one of two things.... 1) go to work as usual that morning carrying all of the gifts I have already gotten for them and just leave them.... or 2) show up during the office party with their gifts and leave. I am leaning towards the first one simply to save my feelings more than anything.

As I said before.... dumbasses!

Dreww